Separation anxiety: why goodbyes are difficult… and normal!

Ah, separation anxiety! That moment when your little treasure clings to you like a mussel to its rock, giving you the impression that you’re the only person on earth who matters. It’s a bit like going on a mission to save the world, when you’re just… going to work. Or maybe you just need five minutes to go to the bathroom in peace (we feel you!).

But rest assured, dear parents: just because your child cries his or her eyes out every time you walk through the door doesn’t mean he or she will be glued to you forever. Far from it! Separation anxiety is a normal part of toddler development. We’ll explain.

Create a little parting ritual

A kiss, a special song, even a little dance. This can make the departure more predictable and therefore less frightening for your child… and let’s be honest, a little dancing first thing in the morning boosts morale!

A routine to get them going

It reassures them, gives them a framework and even guides you as parents. If your schedules and rituals are the same, it gives them a sense of security. They’ll know that you’re going away, but more importantly, that you’ll always come back. They’ll know what to expect.

A comforter for the road

If your child has a comforter or transitional object, make sure they have it to hand. This companion can be a small comfort at times of separation. At the crèche, you’ll probably be advised to have an object with your scent or that of the house to reassure your little one.

A quick but gentle farewell

Prolonged goodbyes can sometimes aggravate anxiety. Keep it short, sweet and confident. A cheerful “See you soon, my love”, a final kiss, and off you go! We’ll even let you in on a little secret: babies tend to stop crying once you’re out the door.

Every situation is temporary

While it can be heartbreaking to leave your child in tears, remember that this phase doesn’t last forever. Over time, these difficult moments will become easier for both of you. And before you know it, your little one will be waving goodbye.

So take a breath, trust the process, the childcare professionals around you and your baby. Remember that you are a family, united by bonds of love. And at the end of the day, this joyful reunion will remind you how precious these moments together are… even after a little separation.

The Charlie Crane team

Why these heart-rending goodbyes?

Separation anxiety generally appears from 8 months onwards, or earlier. During this period of development, babies often show more distress when they find themselves far from the person who provides them with daily care, comfort and nourishment, namely their parents. This feeling of insecurity can be exacerbated if the separation occurs in an unfamiliar place, as toddlers instinctively seek the tranquillity of familiar faces and environments.

As this phase progresses, the baby who used to greet everyone with smiles may now display a more reserved and sometimes even fearful attitude towards unfamiliar faces. Specialists often refer to this phenomenon as “fear of strangers”.

As his memory and reasoning skills develop, your baby begins to anticipate certain situations. He expects events to unfold as usual, which explains why he may express discomfort when one of his parents moves away.

Basically, your child has spent months building a universe in which you are the star, the center of this little world. So, when you disappear from this setting, even for a brief moment, it’s as if the main scene of their film has collapsed. Tears and screams are their way of saying, “Don’t forget me!”

How can goodbyes be made a little less dramatic?

So that your little hearts don’t break every time they part, here are a few ideas for easing separation anxiety.

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